80 Funny Vampire Jokes and Puns that Even Dracula Can’t Resist!

Ever wondered what vampires do at their sleepovers? They exchange “vampire jokes”! Forget those brooding faces you see in movies; these creatures of the night are seriously into humor. Ready to hear some jokes about vampires that’ll have you howling with laughter (at the moon, perhaps)?

Vampire Jokes

Vampire Jokes

For creatures of the night, vampires sure know how to evoke day-time giggles. Delve into these fang-tastically funny vampire jokes.

  1. Why did the vampire get a job at the bank? To improve his bite savings.
  2. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
  3. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
  4. Why did the vampire flunk art class? He could only draw blood.
  5. Why did the vampire bring string to the party? He wanted to tie one on.
  6. What’s a vampire’s favorite sport? Casketball.
  7. Why was the young vampire a poor student? He struggled with bat-hematics.
  8. Why did the vampire get a job at the art gallery? He was a big fan of biting critiques!
  9. What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? A stake sandwich.
  10. Why did the vampire always carry mouthwash? To get rid of the bat breath.
  11. How can you tell if a vampire has a cold? When he starts coffin.
  12. What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? A suck-er.
  13. Why did Dracula go vegan? Biting necks was just a pain in the neck!
  14. What’s a vampire’s favorite time of day? Fang o’clock.
  15. How does a vampire flirt? “Is it love at first bite?”
  16. What do you call a vampire with an upset stomach? Dracu-laugh.
  17. Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To straighten his bite.
  18. How do vampires start their letters? “Tomb it may concern…”
  19. Why did the vampire get a ticket? He was caught in a no-biting zone.
  20. What did the vampire say after his dentist appointment? “Fangs very much!”

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Vampire Puns

Vampires aren’t all about scares; they have a punny side too! Brace yourself for some blood-curdling pun-delight.

  1. I met a vampire who’s also a chef; he’s a bite of all right.
  2. Vampires are always calm because they can never be rattled.
  3. Dracula is a true blood donor.
  4. Vampires love to count; they’re basically bite counters.
  5. It’s hard to be friends with a vampire; they’re real pain in the neck.
  6. Vampires who can’t see their reflection are simply in de-nile.
  7. Always bring a vampire to math class; they know all the fang-tastic equations.
  8. If you’re friends with a vampire, life’s never in vein.
  9. When a vampire is tired, they’re dead on their feet.
  10. Vampires never get a tan; they always look a little drained.
  11. I’d tell you a construction joke about a vampire, but I’m still working on that coffin.
  12. Vampires are great at baseball. They’re perfect for the batting team.
  13. When Dracula joined Twitter, he was just looking for some bite-sized content.
  14. You can’t trust vampires; they’re always up for some neck-romancy.
  15. Vampires are great at hide and seek; they’re natural bat-hiders.
  16. When it rains, vampires simply turn into blood puddles.
  17. At parties, vampires always bring their ghoul-friends.
  18. Being a vegetarian vampire is just biting into tomatoes.
  19. Vampires never become doctors; they can’t stand the sight of garlic.
  20. Vampires enjoy ocean trips. They love the midnight snack-cruise.

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Vampire One-liners

Looking for humor that bites? These one-liners are a vein of pure comedy gold!

  1. Dracula and mirrors? Still not looking into it.
  2. I’m friends with a vampire; it has its perks, but it’s a bit draining.
  3. Never trust a vampire’s playlist; it’s full of dead beats.
  4. Vampires: Making necks meet since the dawn of time.
  5. Woke up on the wrong side of the coffin again!
  6. Vampires prefer their humor with a bite.
  7. Tried a sunbath once. Won’t be doing that again.
  8. Vampires and deadlines – both will sneak up and bite you.
  9. Saw my vampire friend yesterday; he seemed light-headed.
  10. Vampires aren’t into tea; it’s not their cup of bite.
  11. Getting older? Not in my blood!
  12. Vampires might suck, but they’re great at parties.
  13. Just got a blood test; hope it’s type-O.
  14. Life’s tough for a vampire; it’s not all it’s bitten up to be.
  15. My favorite blood type? Red.
  16. Vampires: Always on the lookout for a bloody good time.
  17. New to the vampire life? It’ll grow on you. Or in you.
  18. Vampires don’t get sick, but they’re always up for a coffin.
  19. Bats in the belfry? Call them family.
  20. Sunburn for a vampire? That’s a grave problem.

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Funny Vampire Rules

Every vampire has some guidelines to live (or un-live) by. Here’s a whimsical take on vampire etiquette.

  1. Sunscreen isn’t optional; it’s survival.
  2. Coffins: A bed, a home, and a travel case all in one.
  3. Bat transformations? Only on Tuesdays and Fridays.
  4. Always compliment a witch; you might need a spell someday.
  5. Vampires don’t sparkle; that’s just bad dandruff.
  6. If someone offers garlic bread, just say you’re on a diet.
  7. Mirrors are overrated; trust your instincts.
  8. Capes are always in fashion.
  9. Never bite on the first date.
  10. If you can’t find a vein, it’s probably a doll.
  11. Every vampire needs a pet bat; they’re like flying dogs.
  12. Remember, stakes hurt but breakups are worse.
  13. No biting vegetarians; they taste like salad.
  14. Always keep an emergency pack of O-negative.
  15. If someone offers a wooden handshake, run!
  16. Biting jokes are always in good taste.
  17. If a garlic farmer moves next door, it’s time to relocate.
  18. Blood banks are not your personal pantry.
  19. Don’t bite clowns; they taste funny.
  20. Remember, you’re timeless, not clueless. Dress accordingly.

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Final Thoughts:

Well, there you have it! Proof that our pale-faced, nocturnal pals have quite the sense of humor. The world of “jokes about vampires” is vast and hilarious. Next time you’re at a spooky gathering, drop a couple of these vampire jokes and watch the room light up (with laughter, not sunlight!). Stay giggly and remember, you’re just a joke away from making a new vampire buddy!

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